Doldrums

“My soul clings to the dust; revive me according to Your Word.” Psalm 119:25

“I’m in the doldrums.” That’s what I wrote in my journal. I’d been feeling a little down for no real reason. Living the blahs. Slightly gloomy. As much as I had to do on my to-do list, I was kind of bored. Stagnant. In a slump, a funk. Gloomy. (I looked up doldrums in a thesaurus, to find words for what I was feeling.) I was in “a dull and listless mood” (I looked up doldrums in the dictionary to define it more precisely.)

I pondered all the reasons this might be true. I had just passed the one-year anniversary of the death of a parent. The weather had been cloudy for quite awhile. I recently entered a new phase of life that gave me more unscheduled time (something I am not used to having.) Maybe it came because I had been cleaning out the old, unusable stuff that had defined my life for so much of my past. Or maybe I had been spending too much time on things that dull the senses: cell phone games, inane reading material, uninspiring television shows.

Maybe I was yearning for things that would never be—the dreams and hopes of my youth. Or perhaps my age and health were creating a new normal for me, something I was unprepared for. Or maybe I was over-prepared for the changes that come with age, and I settled too easily into the preconceived opinion or bias of what this stage of life would look like, instead of letting God define it.

No matter what caused my state of mind, I wanted out of the doldrums. I wanted to feel alive again. Alive to hope. Alive to enthusiasm. Alive to new thoughts and ways of stewarding time, giftings, and ministry. Alive to love and life—and loving life. I wanted to see bright colors instead of drab gray. I wanted to hear birds singing instead of winter’s bare tree branches. I wanted to feel warm breezes instead of howling winds that send trash bins skidding down the road.

I wanted to be in love with Jesus again—passionately, intimately in love, as I have been in the past. I wanted to hear His voice afresh. I wanted to sense His presence…

in my heart, holding;

in my mind, molding;

in His arms, enfolding.

“Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, and revive me in Your way” (Psalm 119:37).

Revival. This is what I need, what I pray for, what I long for and look for. If you feel anything like I did, won’t you pray with me about it?

Father, You hear our discontented murmurings. Forgive us for keeping our eyes downcast at our circumstances—even if things are going along fine—and instead, help us to cast our every glance, our every hope, our every love, upon You alone. Revive our spirits, that we may praise You with our whole heart. We pray in the name of Your Son, Jesus. Amen.