Anxieties and Answers

“Yet I am always with You; You hold me by my right hand. You guide me with Your counsel, and afterward You will take me into glory…. But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all Your deeds.” Psalm 73:23, 24, 28

Recently I mentioned having some complications from my cancer. I had a consult with my oncologist yesterday, and I am beginning some tests to try and understand what is happening. Please pray for answers and understanding.

My oncologist meets every two weeks with a team of specialists to discuss the hard cases. For a number of years now, they have studied and discussed my case. I’ve been very grateful for their input. They will meet tomorrow to discuss my current situation.  Please pray for wisdom for them!

I have written about worry. I’m certainly getting a fresh opportunity to respond the right way in a worrying situation! After I finished talking to my oncologist, my mind and emotions were bombarded with anxiety. I sat down and tried to separate every anxious thought and bring it to the Lord. I tried to push the anxiety to the side and concentrate on God’s goodness and faithfulness. I spoke out that He is my refuge! He is always with me and He holds my right hand.

I admit that this was a battle. Worry/anxiety kept poking its head up, but I finally came to a place of peace. It’s a new day, and I’m needing to claim that peace all over again. I find it helpful when a worry pops up to immediately speak out a promise to counteract the worry from the Word, and to keep speaking it out until I feel it’s “solid” in my heart.

I have some challenges in the days ahead, so I’m going to need to keep standing on His promises!

A few days later
I have felt carried by your prayers, especially in recent days. I took those anxieties to the Lord—over and over. As I went to bed, I gave the burden of them to the Lord. I had a wonderfully, deep night of sleep. Sleep is so healing and restorative. When I woke the next morning, the burden was completely gone! No anxiety. I felt encapsulated in peace. The contrast to the previous day was like night and day. I’m so grateful for God taking that burden from my heart, and washing over me with His spirit of peace.

In the meeting with the team of specialists, the thing I was most anxious about was dismissed/taken off the table. They said it wasn’t a good option even though my oncologist was proposing it. What a relief! It was a good example to me, too, of worrying about something that never came about! I didn’t need to worry!

I am in the process now of doing some tests. The team will then discuss things again. Please keep praying for wisdom for them.

As I walked through the week, I was reminded by the Lord of how important it is to “rest in Him.” That can be a lot easier said than done, but it is possible. I kept speaking out my love, my faith, my confidence, my hope, my trust in the Lord. The more I spoke it out, the stronger it became in my heart and in my emotions. I could take a deep breath and rest in His loving arms. I knew He was carrying me. On hard days, I missed Floyd not being here to help me…but the Lord reminded me that He’s my husband in Floyd’s absence. That’s a powerful thought, and I sensed the Lord meeting me in special ways. I experienced a deep “rest.”

I poured out my heart to Him over and over this week. He met me! He has been my refuge. He is so good, so faithful, so present when we need Him. I feel “at rest” in Him.

Father… Healing. Rest. Hope. Peace. Strength. Wisdom. Amen.