Victory in the Middle

“Thus my heart was grieved, and I was vexed in my mind. I was so foolish and ignorant; I was like a beast before You. Nevertheless, I am continually with You; You hold me by my right hand. You will guide me with Your counsel, and afterward receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is none upon the earth that I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart fail; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:21-26

It is one thing to proclaim the goodness and faithfulness of the Lord, after the victory we were waiting for has come. Claiming His goodness in the midst of personal confusion, deep heartache and turmoil is, however, another matter completely.

We find it contrary to our natures to verbally and internally assent to someone’s faithfulness if, in our own hearts, we do not necessarily feel that person is actually faithful. We like our feelings to match our beliefs.

What stands, however, is that our flesh and hearts continually fail us. We are the weak, incapable-of-remaining-steadfast humans. It is not God who wavers, but us. His truth is steadfast, firm, and unwavering. He cannot be unfaithful, for faithfulness is His attribute. The attributes of God do not change.

So when I find myself here again, in this place of confusion, of being so afraid that I am outside of His will, with fear and anxiety rising in me like bile, nearly consuming me every time I try to go into His Presence—here I will claim that my Lord Jesus is good and faithful and true. His love for me is unyielding, relentless, patient, and unfathomable. I believe that His grace, mercy, and compassion renew themselves with each new day. He will guide me with His counsel and afterward receive me to glory. The victory is just as much to be claimed in the middle of the chaos, as it is at the end when peace has come.

God in heaven, I confess my own weakness and my own lack of wisdom and understanding. Father, I believe You. I believe that we are in this together and that You will not leave me or forsake me. Thank You for Your love. Lead me on by Your Spirit.