“Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass.” Psalm 37:4-5

I Want To Be In Love

I am a hopeless romantic.

I am a hopeless romantic and I am single. So single.

While the fact that I am young may have something to do with what I am about to share, I really hope that whatever age I get to, and whatever relationships I do (or don’t) enter into, my heart on this subject stays the same.

I learned in high school that only Jesus is capable of filling the hole in my heart where love and affection go, and that my incompleteness could not ever be filled by a boy’s affections towards me (no matter how much said boy loved Jesus). It was a painful lesson, but one I wouldn’t trade for Prince Charming himself. I am convinced that this truth holds true for a married woman of fifty-four, a wide-eyed dreamer of sixteen, and any other variation between, before, or after.

What I didn’t truly understand was how capable He is of fulfilling.

Of late, I had been telling Jesus that I really wouldn’t mind falling in love. I wasn’t begging Him for a relationship, I just wanted to fall in love with someone and… well… have him fall in love with me. Because, to be candid, I’ve fallen “in love”—extremely liberal use of the term “in love”—and had him not fall in love with me back a number of times.

So I went about my daily business, seeking the Lord and doing all of the ordinary things that I had always done, but continually thinking that I would really like to be in love. I wanted the feeling. It was in the midst of these very ordinary, every day occurrences that a surprising thing began to happen.

Suddenly, the funniest, smallest, most inconsequential occurrences began to delight me in a way that only someone who knew my heart intimately could understand or orchestrate. I felt like I was in love, but there wasn’t anyone to be in love with. At first I was confused about why I felt like laughing in delight when a fresh breeze would blow through my open window, or why I felt a deep contentment and security in doing things by myself, but then I realized that Jesus was just loving me.

God fills, to the very brim, the romantic whims of my heart. He does it through things around me that delight me and make me believe in joy, laughter, hope, purity, and beauty. They are normal things with a heavenly touch. It cannot even be compared to the way a man loves a woman because it starts at the core level of who God created me to be. I realized that God would not have created an emotional need in me if He was not capable of fulfilling it. Even in friendships, my fulfillment first must be from Jesus.

Just Jesus.

Just the God of the universe. He fills the deepest longings of my heart and soul. He gives me life abundant. He tells me He loves me, and offers to fight my battles for me. He gives me laughter when I want to mourn, and sets beauty before my eyes when this world is so ugly to me. He is, and always will be, the King of my heart.

Jesus. Thank You that You are enough. May my heart seek You first for contentment, fulfillment, and joy. Thank You for loving me in the best way and for never giving up on me. I adore You, Jesus. Amen.