“Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterwards it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11

The Hard Conversation

David was a dynamic king in Israel. Eli was a prophet of the living God. Jacob wrestled with God and fathered the twelve tribes of Israel. However, none of them won the Father of the Year award. They avoided dealing with bad behavior in their sons. They went on with life as though all was well when correction and confrontation were needed. They did not exact consequences in response to bad choices and wrongdoing. I identify with these guys. I hate confrontation and conflict. It’s awkward, stressful, and uncomfortable. Maybe it’ll all just work out—somehow.

Recently I got a phone call from a much-loved young man in my family asking for a loan for a venture he envisioned. There was nothing wrong with that. We have often helped fund dreams and visions in our children and grandchildren. It is our joy to do so. But this had become a pattern with this particular youngster and he had not lived up to his part of the bargain on a previous occasion. I felt a pain in my heart and a bit of panic welling up within. I loved this boy and wanted the best for him. It would be so easy just to write the check. Yet I knew the time had come for the hard conversation.

So with a lump in my throat, I turned him down and said no, not this time. It wasn’t about the money. It was about accountability, being responsible, and keeping your word. He was assured of our love and the confidence we had in him that he would do the right thing. He needed to step up and finish his part of the previous bargain before we moved on to new endeavors. He seemed to take it well, but as we hung up I wondered what damage I had done to our relationship. I feared his resentment. I feared that he would feel rejected. Having to have that conversation wasn’t any fun at all. It was painful.

A few weeks later I received another phone call from this same young man. He wanted to give me an update. Contrary to my fears, he had taken my words to heart. He had not only devised a plan to meet his responsibilities in regard to us, he had extended that thought to other areas of his life that he had been neglecting. I listened in stunned silence. This was a very different young man. Surely God had worked something within him and my fragile words were simply a springboard to get him thinking in a whole new direction. And to have him call me back to tell me about these plans and changes assured me our relationship was actually strengthened and in no way diminished. I breathed my thanks to the Lord.

Once again the Lord had taught me a life lesson. God met me in the discomfort, the awkwardness, and the trembling risk of marring a tender relationship. His word says, “Speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15). I have a stewardship to be a godly example to children and grandchildren. Love alone is not enough. There must also be truth. Sometimes we must do the hard thing in order to sow seeds that may well bear the peaceable fruit of righteousness.

Father, thank You for the work You are doing in each individual. You always have our best interest at heart. May we glorify You in our relationships and meet each day with grace and truth. In Jesus name, Amen.