“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”  Psalm 34:18

Peace and Forgiveness in Process

I love to go to church and worship, especially if I’ve had a challenging week, or when Satan has had a field day telling me I am a miserable example of a Christian.

This particular Sunday, I wasn’t prepared for the short discussion on abortion, and the short video that would start the morning service. As always, when this subject matter is discussed, even in the most positive way, I instantly become very upset (I am so glad I always bring tissues to church!) Tears start to stream down my face, my stomach churns, and the tremendous guilt and shame come flooding back over me. In the midst of all this happening, I silently cry out to God, “Lord, when will I ever get over this? It’s been 43 years! When will I stop reacting in this way? I thought I was over this!”

I prayed silently to stop crying, and asked the Lord to comfort me. I was so glad to focus on the worship songs and wonderful sermon message. After the service, I decided to go out to the foyer to look at the positive materials on the table regarding abortion. Many times I have had the opportunity to do this yet never followed through. Today was the day. I talked with a woman at the table, and she gave me two pamphlets and encouraged me to attend the classes intended for healing and restoration. I was amazed at how many times I had thought about taking those classes, and volunteering, in hopes that my pain would go away by helping others.

I mopped my face with my tissues, and hurried off to help check the kids into Sunday School. Being with the kids, helpers and leaders, watching them sing to the Lord, was a great comfort that next hour. When it was over, I shared some of my story and pain with a wonderful woman I hardly knew. Her listening, caring ear and her taking my hands and praying for me was just what I needed. “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope’” (Jeremiah 29:11).

I am now in prayer to become a volunteer in an organization that impacts lives spiritually and positively.  I have also decided to take the healing classes—no more “some day!” I know the Lord has forgiven me, but I need to forgive myself and let it go, and with God’s help, I know that will happen.

Dear God, You know all about my life and circumstances; nothing that has happened to me is unknown to You. I now submit all my hurts and woundedness to You, and ask You to release my wounded spirit to be healed, in Jesus’ mighty name! Amen.