“Behold, this we have searched out; it is true. Hear it, and know for yourself.” Job 5:27

Know-It-All

How is it possible that I have lived this many years and still have so much to learn? I did well all through elementary, middle, and high school; attended college on a scholarship; I read widely, and even have a certain amount of street smarts due to experience. I can usually read people’s faces, sense their emotional state, take note of their actions and reactions, and discern what they are “really saying” between the layers of “not saying.”

Why, then, am I so sadly mistaken at guessing outcomes, and at knowing how a situation will end? Why do I spend so much time thinking through the possibilities and maybes? What makes me think I am an expert at knowing “why” people do what they do, say what they say? Particularly, what makes me think others will do in the future what they have always done, feel what they’ve always felt, say what they’ve always said?

Oh, how this was brought home to me over the holidays. You know how visitors and guests (even if they are relatives) can stir up a household routine? How everyone suddenly becomes someone else, someone they were in their childhood perhaps, or someone you don’t recognize because they unexpectedly put their best foot forward? This happened to me.

We had relatives visit, adults and their young children. I didn’t mind the whining children so much—I expect that children may be out of sorts when they are away from their own homes and toys and pets and beds, with disrupted schedules, eating holiday foods and sweets. No—it was my own self that disgusted me. I had dreaded the visit because of the “history” these adults and I shared. It wasn’t a pretty picture back then, and I didn’t expect it to be pretty this time around. But I was wrong.

I had assumed some things. I expected things to be the same as the last time we were together. I had projected my own fears and shortcomings, my own angst and anxiety, my own dislikes and disappointments from the past, onto a visit that hadn’t even happened yet. I had spent nights tossing and turning, trying to resolve issues that had not arisen.

I knew nothing, and assumed everything.

The Scripture quoted above from Job reminds me that I couldn’t possibly know what was to “be” until I heard it and knew it for myself. As it says in Psalm 111:2, “The works of the Lord are great, studied by all who have pleasure in them. His work is honorable and glorious.” Did I think He wouldn’t work in us?

It’s like crying before we’re hurt. It’s anticipating the worst, looking for our assumptions to come to pass. Perhaps, if I’m looking for evil, I’ll find evil. Perhaps if I’m looking for good, I’ll find good. We had fun in that holiday visit. We laughed, had important conversations, remembered pleasant times.

The things we fear, don’t usually happen. Tell yourself that today.

Lord, forgive me for being a pessimist based on the past, for You have redeemed my past, and my future lies securely with You. Amen.